Whew.
New blog site. New blog. It's all crisp and fresh and without all the weight of the *old* blog and it's archived posts.
I miss those archived posts, however. It reminds me of where I came from and where I was at and what I had been through. Not that I was through a heckuva lot of trauma or anything. At least physically.
I have been taking my sweet ass time getting settled here in QC. (that's cool kids lingo for "Quad Cities." And if you ever have any doubt, I'm always one of the cool kids.) I almost feel like I belong here now, although a small part of me is still convinced I am visiting John, and will be returning to a different place soon.
Even when the closet rod hanging all of my clothes fell on the floor. (John had to reinforce said rod with 3 supports drilled into the studs.) Even when I awoke to a beautiful mountain print I had hanging in my office come crashing down in the guest bedroom, trashing the frame and shattering glass everywhere. I think it doesn't feel like home yet because I have yet to find a place to go all day and come home to after being in said place. And get paid for it.
I have yet to find a job. I do have an opportunity (that I actually wonder if it still exists since I haven't emailed him back) where a doc in IA offered me a percentage rate, but I would have to find all my own patients. Which leaves him a cheap marketing tool as the patients will most likely see him after I leave. I was kinda hoping for an associateship where I see an existing patient base and get paid a base salary.
I was thinking of marketing relief work as well. Something to keep practicing on even a part time basis.
Then I think of the paperwork. The taxes. The hassles.
And it exhausts me.
And then I feel lazy.
And then I feel guilty for feeling lazy.
I also just applied for an executive assistant job on post. Starting pay is $47K. That's a nice chunk of change and such a huge increase over what I could afford to pay myself as a doctor. I am feeling the disconnect...are you???
So I am leaning toward not practicing in the QC and not practicing in KS, but waiting until we get to a place where I know we will be for a while. And see where we go from there.
And then I feel guilty all over again. Like I'm letting my profession down. Like I'm letting my family down. And then I think....geez, project much? I think I just let myself down. Made a few key bad decisions, and was too stubborn to change what I needed to.
On the not depressing side of things...I am loving living with my husband. Oh, sure, there is the occasional frustration with having to vacuum a 3'x3' square of carpet that he insists sitting on whilst eating Drumstick ice cream cones and spilling peanuts everywhere, and the fact that he is incapable of putting away laundry - clean or dirty.....but it quite small in comparison to the overwhelming joy of seeing him everyday.
But it is still SO weird to say "my husband." Or him to say "my wife." Or to hear other people introduce me as "John's wife."
Remember when I was first emailing him? Or when we were first dating? Or geez, even when we were newly engaged just a year ago??? My how time flies.
The summer is even almost over! Which, I'm kind of happy about. Some days it feels as though I live in a rain forest with all the heat and humidity.
Anyway, I need to make some phone calls about name change stuff. Yes. Still changing my name. If there is one argument for early marriage it is this: less name change stuff. I suppose I could have kept my maiden name. But then I wouldn't have the same last name as my cute boy. And somehow, even though it's weird to have it, not having it would be unacceptable.
