So, I believe things happen for a reason.
I also believe that when you are not in the know of the details that constitute this Universal reason, waiting around to discover it kind of sucks.
Ah, but it's all in the process, no?
So, I was chatting with a few friends. My bridesmaids, as a matter of fact, and quizzing them on what they think I would be well suited to do if I were to change careers.
You see, I've been frustrated. Owning my own practice was traumatizing and humbling, and, in some respects, a knock down on the 'ol self esteem pole. John has been a great support. He reminds me that success is defined in several ways and to remember all the people I helped and the lives I changed.
I helped a 5 week old baby regain her normal functions. Eating, sleeping and pooping. She was doing none of these things well, which turned her into a crying colicky baby. I adjusted her. She was happier. And so were her parents!
I brought a woman to tears after she realized that a) she could turn her head again and b) she didn't have to live in pain that she thought was a result of getting older. She hugged me so tightly, just so relieved to feel back to normal.
I helped a woman who had minor but irritating back pain get back into everything she loved nearly pain free...including camping and riding 4 wheelers.
I've helped people recover from car accidents.
I helped a lady manage (nearly eliminate until she went on meds for osteoporosis) her vertigo.
I helped an elderly woman be able to enjoy her daily walks again. She previously had stopped due to arthritis pain. When she saw me, the pain was lessened, and she wanted to walk again.
I helped a woman who had severe headaches that interfered with her life at least every other week be headache free for years.
I still get emails from patients who write that they miss me.
I'm not a bad doctor. I'm a good doctor in a quirky profession. I'm not going to air out my grievances that I've experienced being a chiropractor or a chiropractor in Colorado. (location does matter.) Without my knowledge that I acquired as a chiropractor, I would not have been able to do these things. And every profession has it's downside.
I just wanted to highlight this struggle I have encountered. Things were not as I imagined once I graduated, and for the first time in a long time, I have had to deal with failure. It's not something I do well. But what is a Doctor of Chiropractic to do if not be a chiropractor?
The most desirable thing (to me) is to teach. I'm not even sure how hard it would be to break into teaching at community colleges, but I'm looking into it. At some point, I would like to teach at a chiropractic college. The energy at a chiropractic college is amazing!
More importantly, once I started talking (okay, instant messaging) my girlfriends about what I should do with my life did the real heart of the matter rise to the surface. I was in tears, and thinking of practicing again made my heart hurt. There was an intense fear of further failure. I managed to salvage my practice in some way, but I was in no way successful if you look at it from the business perspective. So I wasn't really anxious about doing it again.
And that's the thing about identifying the mysterious obstacle. It ceases to be an obstacle. This feeling of fear was recognized and acknowledged and put down after months (years?) of carrying it around.
And things started to happen. I found a possible opportunity to practice again, and possibly in a way where I could practice within an establishment and have much of the hairy business details left to someone else. It's an opportunity I thought was not available, but things happened and they lined up differently.
It was like it was waiting for me to be ready for it.
Which I appreciate.
The other, completely zen like quality to this opportunity is that I have no attachment to it. It very well may not work out due to administration details. And that's okay.
I was mostly just shocked that I was looking forward to practicing again when a few months ago I wondered if I would ever practice again. Or, more importantly, ever want to practice again. Which is something I hadn't expected to feel until 20 years into my career. If then.
So, we shall see.
All this worry from me since I haven't worked in 4 1/2 months, and it turns out, I needed the time off.
Apparently it's all about perspective.
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