Bummer dude

This has just not been a good week.

Nothing catastrophic has happened, nothing sad, nothing that is unrecoverable from.

I'm just bummed out.

It must be a transition thing.

Okay, it's a transition thing and an isolation thing.  I know once I have a car, I will probably not go as many places as I dream of going now.  But the limitation is killing me.

I think I have a lot of self imposed limitations as well.  They are most likely stemming from fear which is a result of being in such a new environment - both geographically and military wise.

What I'm saying is - this is most likely in my head.  And will pass.

But still.


The feeling is isolation is starting to get sort of painful.  Which is ironic since I've had more outside human interaction this week than ever before.  I had my first "Senior Spouses Coffee" (which was actually dinner out) and met a lot of other spouses.  I had to leave early because John hadn't eaten and we only had one car...
Then last night, we had a Hail and Farewell where I met some more spouses and soldiers and families.

And I hate to bring it up because it was on accident.  It was.

But we were forgotten.
John even got up and hailed and farewelled some people.  But the commander forgot us.  Right after everyone started standing up and disbursing, another Major came over and handed me a yellow rose.  (A welcome to the wife/family.)  That's when the commander walked up and said "oh shit, I forgot John."  He quickly looked around the room to see if he could command everyone's attention again, but it was too late.  He looked down at me, still seated, and gave me a heart felt apology and shook my hand.  I immediately forgave him, of course.  The whole evening was put together so quickly and there wasn't a script or anything.  In the long run, it's not a big deal and it doesn't really matter to John.  He's the XO.  Everyone will know him eventually.

But very few people know who I am.  I am the wife who lives in the sticks without a car and limited internet (i.e. communication) access.  It made me want to cry.  But it was an accident.  That's all.  It was just the icing on the cake for the isolated girl who is trying to apply for jobs, trying to make friends, and trying to communicate back home...all fairly unsuccessfully.

So far.

Things will change.  Deep down I know this.  John's car will come in soon.  I will have independence to do whatever I want soon enough.  Go wherever I want.  See other people for Pete's sake!  I will volunteer and find a job and settle in.  It was just a rough week.

The silver lining (as there always is one) was after the Hail and Farewell.  We got around to talking with the commander, the Major who handed me my rose, and their wives and kids and started walking down to get an ice cream at a shop in the town center of Amberg.  It was a lovely night (especially after being in that hot restaurant for a few hours), and we chatted, and the charming environment of downtown Amberg was all around us.  Then we all walked back to our cars and window shopped and joked.  It was a really nice moment.  And hopefully a moment of turn around.



EDIT:  Today has already turned around when John informed me that the Jeep came in today!  It's purty! And more importantly, I have my own car again.  I am at the internet cafe.  Because I can be, and not because we had to do some major arranging of the schedules.  :)  PLUS, I signed up for some major training through ACS tomorrow.  I think I will be there from 9-5.  It's a lot of FRG stuff, but it's training.  Official training.  Something that I will be doing for me.  For free!  I figure, if anything, it will give me good insight to the workings of military spousal life that John just can't give me.  AND, I am in the midst of arranging a phone call to the states for some friend time.  Thanks Sarah!

So....see?  Things have already gotten better.  But man.  What a week!